Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
