Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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