It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
