You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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