I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
