If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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