A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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