i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
