She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
