I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
