That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
