I'm sorry my penis didn't work
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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