i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
