You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
