first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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