I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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