May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
