i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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