So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
