i would punch a child for taco bell
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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