He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
