a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
