It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
