So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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