He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
