If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
