great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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