I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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