I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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