What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
