We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
