People in love make me want to vomit
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
