I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boobs speak an international language.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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