All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
