wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
