he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
