You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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