I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
