ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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