I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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