Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
