lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
