You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
