My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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