First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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