so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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