I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
