you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
