Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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