I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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