she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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