I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I could make wine with my vomit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
