Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
