fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
