You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
